Terrible Two's WHAT?!?

My daughter has been fairly easy on me up til this point in her life. I know I complained about not enough sleep here and there but the child has been really really good! This will lead me into my story...My daughter is so independent, she has to drink from a big girl cup with no lid, she has to brush her own teeth, and she has to put on her own chapstick! Her favorite word is NO and PAPA (maybe thats because my father gives her WHATEVER she wants!) So the other day I was on the phone crying to my dear friend Courtney Hawkins complaining about something or another when I hear Kenzie splashing around in some water in the bathroom...this could only mean one things...POTTY TIME! So I yelled "Kenzie get out of the toilet thats gross" she proceeds to say NO NO NO! So I say "ONE(pause a few seconds) TWO(pause a few seconds) now in any normal situation she would come running into the room laughing because she finds my frustration funny but this time she came out of the bathroom looked at me and said "THREE" then took off running down the hall. If I was in a good mood this would have made me laugh but because I had already been pushed over the edge that day I got so mad! I put the phone down and chased my child down the hall to give her a spanking....after I spanked her (don't worry it was over and jeans and diaper) she gave me the nastiest look ever and HIT yes HIT my face! OMG I could have screamed! So I went and put her in her crib and told her to think about her lifes decisions until Mommy could get her boiling blood level back down again. Instead of crying she sat down and started loving on her blanket singing to herself.

I know I was a really hard teenager and gave my mother hell....but really this is a little early for payback! OH MY this is going to be a long next few months!

Mad List

So im not mad right at this exact moment but this past week has been a brutal one! I feel like the best way of expressing emotions is to write them all down so here goes....

1. I'm mad that Jake has been away a lot these past few weeks (I'm talking like 3 weeks in a row a lot)
2. I'm mad that he is playing "security guard" in a place that somebody gets stabbed/shot/beaten at least once a week
3. I'm mad that Jake thinks that the extra money is worth it....REALLY I JUST WANT MY HUSBAND
4. I'm mad at the things I say to him when im mad (I really am a HUGE BITCH when im upset and I say things I don't mean)
5. I'm mad that because I am so exhausted ALL THE TIME that I get frustrated with Kenzie more easily
6. I'm mad at people/friends who try to take advantage of me
7. I'm mad at how people judge me as a mother because I own a pitbull...seriously if you spent two minutes with him you would love him more than you love your own dogs
8. I'm mad at how over the years people wanted to "look good" so they bought houses/cars/too much on their credit cards that they couldn't afford and now because of their actions we are having a really hard time getting a loan for a house even if we have good credit! THANKS you idiots!
9. I'm mad that my grandma is sick
10. I'm mad that my daughter is starting the terrible two 5 months early! NOT COOL
11. I'm mad that im so tired all the time...I wish I could live off of no sleep so I could get everything done
12. I'm mad that I am so OCD all the time about a clean house...I have an almost two year old I need to come to accept that its bound to be a mess all the time
13. I'm mad that even when im done with laundry by the end of the night there is still another full load waiting to be washed. How does that even happen?
14. I'm mad that shoe designers have such creative minds and because of that I'm obsessed with shoes (this goes for purses as well) Even when I have a full closet full the "shoe craving" is always still there and thanks to the interent and online shopping I will never stop
15. I'm mad that food tastes so good so when im sad or mad thats the first thing I run too! HELLO 500 pounds here I come!
16. I'm mad because even when I have ever intention to work out something always comes up (except for the past few days...I have to put my foot down and do what is good for me)
17. I'm mad at dirty dishes
18. I'm mad at the broken glass that I stepped on
19. I'm mad at the kitty litter I feel like I change every other day
20. I'm mad at being mad

With all that said....Jake was home this weekend and I fell in love with him all over again and even though I should not have had to of been reminded of why I married him I was and I love him even more for it! I love that he works so hard for Kenzie and I to have everything we want and I happy I got to express to him this past weekend that its not so much about "things" we just want him home. I don't need anymore shoes and Kenzie doesn't need anymore clothes...all we need is him. I am so thankful for my dog...I know you non-animal people can't relate like my mother but if it wasn't for my dog I don't know what I would have done. When I would cry at night he was right there beside me and when I needed to spoon with him he was more than willing. I am glad for my real friends who are there all the time. I'm glad I can pick up the phone and just cry to them for hours and they sit and listen and tell me what I need to hear! This week is going to be better I promise! I need to change my attitude on life....at least Jake has a job and at least I get to go to school. I love my family and friends so much and I know I count on you all a lot and I thank you for all being there no matter what!