That 7 Letter Word

ANXIETY

Dirty little word...I know. I have been struggling with this problem my entire life and it wasn't until I almost got divorced that I realized I did in fact have a problem.

I consider myself a "runner", I love running, the sound of your feet hiting the pavement, the sweat dripping of your face, your heart pounding, pushing myself to go just a little farther than yesterday. I also love to RUN from my problems. I don't like confrontation so I just "run" away. Example, When I lived in Utah one of my best freinds came to be my roommate. We were so close and for a few months it worked out. Instead of facing things head on with her, I "ran" to a new apartment and lost one of my best friends.

When Jake and I met it was shortly thereafter that I became pregnant. Go ahead and think what you want to think but if I could do it all over again I would do it exactly like I did. When
I was pregnant for the first time in years I could breath. It was like this weight had been lifted and I could truly enjoy life. I fell in love, and for those nine months everything was perfect. I have now come to learn that the chemicals in my body were off and my hormone levels shifting when I was pregnant made the chemicals normal.

Fast forward two years to this summer. I was at an all time low. I felt like I was drowning. I felt like a bad mother because I couldn't handle every day things. I was a horrible wife, which made my husband want to be home less and less. It wasn't until I sat in a room with my doctor that he said my entire life would change with one little pill. (Well two little pills....one is for the really bad days) I will happily announce that little baby pill saved me, and my marriage. I wake up everymorning without the chest pain or aches. I can laugh when Kenzie is being her normal stubborn self and I can let loose and have fun with my husband.

Anxiety is real....it doesn't make you any less of a person if you need help. Life is so hard and overwhelming and just too much at times and if a little pill can make it easier for you then do it. Talk to your doctor and help yourself.

I wanted to write about this because my friend wrote about her anxiety issues in one of her post and it made me want to come forward too. If you have any questions, you can ask away and I would love to talk about it.

I'M HERE...I'M HERE

Don't worry......i'm alive

My last post was April 12th about a cleaning service. I never got that cleaning service because right after that my life pretty much did a 180. I'm not going into details because sometimes there are some things that need to be kept private but I will say that I have the most amazing support system in this entire world. Bad things happen in life and will always happen and its the most amazing feeling knowing that there are people in my life that really will literally drop what they are doing at that exact second to come and pick up the pieces for me because I just simply can't.

Fast Forward......to now

My little family of three is still together, strong and happy. Jake and I decided that we HAD to move (well really it was me and he agreed) our neighborhood was just too roudy and not what I wanted my daughter to grow up in. So we moved into his mom's house. I know most of you are probably covering your mouths saying you feel horrible for me but really I absolutley love my in-laws. Every single on of them. We are currently looking for a new house...NO CLUSTER HOMES! A bigger yard and a basement.

I am working with my Dad as his administrrative assistant and I love every second of it. I am learning lots of new things like Quickbooks (seriously I hate you) and doing payroll and HR stuff. It's nice because I pretty much come and go as I please.

Kenzie started a new school and loves it. She is so smart and has a bit of a potty mouth (It's true I have a problem with swearing...my one and only fault HAHA) but don't worry we are working on it. The other day we were looking for my cat and Kenzie says "ughh that damn cat" how can you not help but laugh at that??? I mean seriously it's funny. Jake and I held it together long enough to explain that its NOT OK to say bad words then we walked outside and lost it! I had her hair chopped off and I love it....she looks so big. She also got a feather in her hair, I got one almost a month ago and she has been begging for one ever since.

Jake and I bought a 2011 Harley. CRAZY! We needed to start doing things we both love and we both love that bike. There is just something about riding on the back of a Harley that is just so liberating.

Things are good.....so much better than three months ago. I'm happy, Jake's happy and most importantly McKenzie Lynn is happy.

to do or NOT to do...that is the questions

I'm pretty OCD when it comes to cleaning our house! We have three dogs a cat and a three year old, I kinda have to be OCD! Best from the WEST told me one time if you don't make your bed everyday then spiders will crawl in your bed and bite you while your asleep...I'm not about to have that happen so everyday before I leave for work EVERY bed in my house is made as well as every sink dried out and so on and so on. I'M EXHAUSTED Jake tries to help but usually get distracted with a motorcycle or a truck or American Pickers so the house work is left up to me. I used to love it but now that i'm working full time and a full time mommy and a full time maid I'm overwhelmed SOLUTION: HIRE A CLEANING COMPANY TO COME IN AND CLEAN MY HOUSE FOR ME! I have looked into it, found one I love and guess what even though Jake says we can handle it, I have decided to do it anyway! Last night I broke the news to him that I was no longer going to be the house maid and we were literally going to hire one and he of course said NO WAY and I told him I was doing it whether he liked it or not. I was all prepared to duke it out with him (we are both super stubborn) but I think he could see the desperation in my eyes and threw in the white towel before the war even began. Starting in two weeks the burden of cleaning my house to my standards is no longer on me and now I can enjoy this beautiful Georgia spring time weather with Kenzie on Saturdays and Sundays! HELLO POOL TIME! I chose TO DO and don't even feel the slightest bit guilty!

Sick At Work

There is nothing worse than sitting at your desk and feeling like crap! I think I'm starting to get sick. I have that drunk feeling going on and I can't seem to keep my focus on these stupid insurance claims. Everytime I get a call I just want to hang up on the person cause I just don't feel like listening to these crazy people complain about how wet their house is. Its 3:15 so only and hour and forty-five minutes left. Jake is for sure gonna be mommy tonight because as soon as I get home, I'm headed straight to bed!

All I want to do right this second is curl up in bed with Kenzie and protect her from the horrible world that we live in!

JOYS OF PARENTING...Kenzie already knows how to work it

Every morning, we have the same routine. Alarm goes off, hit snooze a few times, drag myself out of bed, take the four-legged babies potty, get in the shower, turn Kenzie's light on and open her door, fix my hair, fix my makeup, get dressed, wake Kenzie up, get her dressed, brush her hair, brush her teeth, give her a flintstone and out the door we all go.

Today everything went as usual until I turned on her light, she sat straight up in a wonderful mood and wanted to watch me get ready. At some point, Kenzie left my bathroom and went to hers bringing back her DORA battery operated toothbrush. She wanted me to brush her teeth right that second. I looked down at her and told her she needed to wait until I was done getting ready and then I would get her all situated. I then asked her if she wanted to watch Oso while I got ready. She told me no and asked if she could brush her teeth. Fast forward ten minutes....I have now said no probably 20 times and I tell her if she asks again I'm going to spank her little white butt! Fast forward another ten minutes I am getting dressed at this point and I look down to see Kenzie with her mouth full of who knows what. I ask her what the heck is in her mouth and she gives me this crazy little smile. I KNEW she had toothpaste in her mouth. Of course I pick her up while yelling at her telling her I told her to wait. After she spit the toothpaste in the sink she grins at me and says "DADDY SAID YES!"

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Of course I go to Jake who is in our closet and start yelling at him telling him I told her no 189789 times! He looks at me and says oh i'm sorry I didn't know.

UGH She is almost three people and way way way to smart for her own good. It's a good thing she is stinking cute or I don't know what I would do.

At lunch today I told my mom the story and she died laughing and told me it was KARMA! I don't know what she is talking about I was a PERFECT daughter especially in my teenage years! HAHA

Easter Candy

Easter candy is by far the best holiday candy! For the next month and a half I have to stay away from any and all grocery stores...I HATE MY LIFE!

Sissy is getting married May 21 and for her sake and her pictures sake I will not be eating any more of these......just as soon I finish the 6 pack I bought yesterday!